It's been my experience you really only believe this once you've proved it to yourself, till then you just gotta trust it to be true! And that's a hard one to trust, probably because chances are it's not relevant until you're facing a monumental trial in your own life.
I can honestly say it's true! In my darkest hours I have found strength within myself that I didn't know I had. As I think back over my early life I can see that I was always that strong person, she wasn't alien to me, she just hadn't been called on for a while and had been quiet...but she was always there within me.
When I rly needed her she was there waiting.........I called her my innner Bitch....she wasn't afraid to kick ass and do what she had to to protect and preserve, this is her natural role! She was unapologetically self motivated, driven by an instinctual desire to survive and protect. There was no hesitation to jump when needed and no battle she wasn't determined to win, by whatever means necessary! Together we overcame a great many difficulties. She remained with me until her work was done and it was time for her to retreat to allow me time to rest and heal.
Like all of us I have a story.....as you can probably guess, it's been challenging at times and it's shaped who I am and where I am now in my life and why I'm motivated to share these thoughts with you.
What I realised about myself, and what I hope I can share with you, is this sense that we are all multiple selves. That we all have lots of different aspects to our personalities, some strong, some soft and tender.....and each of these aspects of us has different strengths and capacities, different instincts and drivers, and when needed you can draw on these. You can call them up from within yourself and depend on them to get you through whatever situation you face. It all starts with a little self or (selves) belief.
I know believing isn't easy, especially if you've had a lifetime of being told you're not strong, not desirable, not sexy, not clever....you name it, I'm sure at times we've all felt we were inadequate in some way.
It suits some peoples agendas to maintain these negative self beliefs in us. It's in their own best interests to weaken and limit you and your potential. They are protecting their own self interests by doing so, but this isn't ok and shouldn't be accepted as fact! No matter who's telling you these things. If they're not encouraging you to shine, then their words come from a dark place within themselves and have no relevance to your true self.
You need to try to see it for what it really is....a defence for them...not truth! We all have resources, far far more than we ever realise! Only we limit ourselves through self doubt and that self doubt is given to us, from others, starting when we're very small and impressionable.
Our confidence to believe in ourselves postively begins in childhood with the messages we pick up from those who 'love' us and guide our developing personalities. This is the time when we either embrace aspects of ourselves happily, with pride even, or we reject them, fearful and ashamed, depending on the values others attach to them. Some characteristics we may have or exhibit are valued and nurtured by some people more than others...this is why we need lots of different relationships ....so that we have lots of opportunities to see ourselves in lots of mirrors....hopefully we'll get a balanced overall sense of who we are as a result.
Sometimes we can live half our lives not even knowing some aspects of us exist, until we have no choice but to survive, to be brave...or fight for our children for instance and then something magical happens and we become warriors! It's in our DNA! You shouldn't be surprised...you're the product of 1000's of years of selective breeding and evolution, you are a very special and highly skilled survivor!
I think it's a crime that so many of us live lives so far removed from our instinctual selves that we have all but forgotten who we really are. We have forgotten how to connect with ourselves and the network of energy that surrounds us all. I'm not talking a whole lot of spiritual non sense although I know it may seem a bit mystical, really it's true, and the work of Daniel Goleman in the field of social intelligence and developments in neuroscience are able to validate much of this now. We are all connected, we're designed this way and we always have been!
We transmit and we receive signals from each other, from the environment, from outside of ourselves and from within our own minds. We are wonderfully complex highly specialised communicators, with instinctual intelligence far beyond our awareness.
With all this at our disposal, is it really any wonder we can be so much more than we 'think' we can. Open up your thinking, let in a few more possibilities, open the door to new aspects of yourself and see where they can take you! To uni? To foreign lands? Into new healthy relationships? Or to a happier place within yourself where you express your true self in whatever way feels most satisfying for you, maybe musically, maybe through images, photography, through touch, through your words, your care and devotion. You have so many choices of who you can be, don't let anyone else choose for you!
Bella
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