Motherhood, the journey to Nannydom

I just posted this on my daughter's facebook wall with the comment ' it's a tough job, good thing it's you doing it!'  I re-read it and laughed realising it could sound like I'm saying I wouldn't want the job! It was intended as an affirmation that what she is, who she is good, certainly 'good enough' and I'm so proud of her.

I know, having raised four children, pretty much single handedly, it's a tough job! The most demanding, thankless, most rewarding, enjoyable job of a life-time. It's the one job I remember reading recently, that we will get, (accept, be given, fall into, it doesn't matter) regardless of our lack of prior experience, qualifications, or education. And yet we willingly enter motherhood anyway, most of us without any real notion at all of what it's going to take from us. I did write 'ask' of us, but realised there is no asking, because by this point we really don't have a choice, do we ladies?!  We also don't realise we won't have any real appreciation of the pay-off until we're half a lifetime down the road looking back.

Yes, I do believe mother nature happily kicks our romantic backsides through that door with a knowing smile on her face! She knows full well we can have no idea what we're really in for, so she starts us off as she means to carry on, with a merciless intro to motherhood - childbirth!

Eating disorder or personal choice?

http://www.afterhourscreative.co.uk/blog-creative-catalyst-design-for-change.asp

The above artists words...

"I chose to highlight anorexia, a misunderstood psychological disorder that is on the increase due to constant pressure from the media. Many people offer their 'expert' advice and simply tell sufferers to eat more. They don't understand the complexity of the disorder. It's a battle between mind and body that produces devastating consequences. If an anorexic is able to control their food intake and achieve a victory for their mind, they still lose due to the punishment inflicted on their body. If they eat more to reduce the effects on their body their mind is punished and they feel depressed and isolated. Either way they can't win. I wanted my design to reflect this constant battle as well as showing how fragile sufferers can be both mentally and physically." Peter Saunders, artist and writer.

'As with any kind of serious illness—and anorexia nervosa is a very serious illness, with the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disease—it’s critical that you find out as much as you can about the illness, available treatments, and outcomes'  
http://www.maudsleyparents.org/faqs.html

Can we help without judging? Dilemma - to respect a young persons right to choose vs protecting them from an insidious disease that demands absolute control at the expense of their life.

• What don't you know about eating disorders?  http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_children_young_people/whats_worrying_you/anorexia?

• Would you recognise the signs of an eating disorder in your own child ?

• What would you do about it?

• How do you help your young person when they don't regard themselves as ill, and don't want help?

• How do you manage your own fears and anxiety and frustration about your youngsters illness.

• You have an overwhelming need to get them 'help', but they won't take the help and advice that you give?

 Every natural instinct you have as a loving parent is held hostage by this disease!

•  is there anything you can and the family can do to help get your child past anorexia?

These are some desperately serious questions that I will be seeking input and advice on as I explore this topic in more depth. I would value your thoughts and feedback. Bella

18 things highly creative people do differently

An affirming and encouraging read...

18 things highly creative people do differently




Another great article for us folks who struggle to fit in the box....celebrate your creativity, share yourself with the world! Write a blog, there's an idea!!

Why leaving your mobile at home could be the best thing you do for your child today.

The Walk To School
http://www.beyourowncounsellorandcoach.com/author/admin/

A thoughtful and insightful reminder that all the moments we share with children are precious opportunities to create memories and build key relationship skills. Skills which prepare our children to be socially and emotionally intelligent individuals.

My Thoughts.....

We all want our children to be socially skilled, kind, thoughtful and sensitive individuals don't we? Well we are the best model they have for developing these attributes because of the value our children place on us and their relationship with us, and our capacity to offer consistent, frequent input and feedback.  I'm not sure we can do a great job at it if we're on our mobiles every second we have 'free'.

We don't have to be brilliant parents, 100% of the time, just 'good enough', that will do the job nicely! And it is a job....the most important job of all! And not a job solely reserved for parents, we all have a responsibility and a duty of care, particularly teachers who second to parents have the most profound influence on our children's self esteem... an influence that can shape a lifetime!

The good enough mother explained

How it works -  Children form an opinion about their own  personal value, based on how they feel when they connect with us. Each and every time these little interactions occur, a child unconsciously collects feedback from their senses - their 'feelings'. Gradually these feelings add up,  translating into thoughts and beliefs which ultimately become the foundation for who children believe they are and how they feel about themselves and their place in the world.

This sense of who children are and their place or ranking in the world, in our home world, as well as the wider world around them, serves as their personal map of directions for life... a script even.....directions that they will follow and use to navigate their own relationships throughout childhood into adult hood and as parents themselves.

Life 'script' explained

Just 10 mins spent happily connected to you before school, I believe probably does more to arm your child to face the anxieties of growing up than any anti bullying policy a school may contrive.
It's worth a thought next time....

It's so good for you!

This is so true! Do something that makes you smile today and be consciously aware of your pleasure. Let it warm you like the sunshine on your face. It's so so good for you! Grab every chance you can to feel happiness! Have a wonderful day.

I took some of my own advice... packed up my old bread, took myself out for a walk to the duck pond and fed the ducks. Was lovely. It's surprising how much of your own neighbourhood you notice on foot that you never see from your car! 

What's in a Job?

I've been thinking just how significant our choice of job is and how incredibly life impacting it is. Seriously, we spend more of our waking hours at jobs than anything else! 54% apparently and that's not including travelling to and from work.

This accounts for half our lives and yet how many of us wake up each Monday unconsciously writing off the next 5 or 6 days as a loss almost; living for the next weekend and the few days of holiday we have to look forward to. Surely this isn't how it should be?

Just because they're dead doesn't always mean they're gone -

Just because they're dead doesn't always mean they're gone....

Thoughts about the death of an abuser....can they ever really be gone?

I don't think so... their legacy is immortal and enduring, but not necessarily invincible.

 Seek help if you're struggling with this issue, you're not alone. 

An outspoken and passionate thought for the Day - vicarious sadism and social media.

Recently my face book wall has become saturated with images of men, women and even children trophy killers, all grinning with sadistic satisfaction over the corpses of creatures they have mindlessly murdered. What is this trend?? And so many women too? What is happening to people that they see fit to publicise such shameful acts, normalising the grotesque and sadistic instincts of the few before the masses as though it's just another lifestyle choice anyone can indulge in with impunity. Vicarious sadism, the dark side of social media's gift to humanity!

I believe to derive pleasure, whatever the reason, from mindlessly killing animals is the hallmark of a depraved human being and should not be sanctioned, or glorified in anyway what so ever. The culprits should derive no satisfaction from any form of public approbation. Let them find other ways to bolster their degenerate egos, spare the innocents. 

How I feel about the animal victims is one thing and that's easier to understand and take a stand about...but what's really bothering me about this issue are the subliminal messages, the trends, the apparent unnatural realities these images inflict on our psychi's.

I wonder is this really a new trend at all, or is it like so many other disgusting elements of the human condition, something that has always been there but never before been lead by the hand quite so shamelessly into the sunshine, by so many willing 'friends'.

Are we all participating in the grooming of humanity to accept and participate in illicit acts of barbarism against ourselves?

Do you expect to live out your senior years in profound dignity or are you terrified of getting old?

While looking for a suitable image for this post I came across this poster.

http://indiaemporium.com/blog/spreading-happiness-in-the-lives-of-elders

For once, the words more so than the image got me thinking, 'profound dignity', not something I automatically associate with ageing I must admit. Sadly I think I have quite the opposite expectation. I dread the thought of ageing and the increasing possibility of becoming vulnerable, physically and emotionally. Like everyone I hope and pray my own experience will be different, but in today's society, in Britain just as it is in India, the elderly are shamefully disregarded all too often. We all know it, we see it everywhere we look. But what are we prepared to do about it? Surely if we don't change this trend it will indeed become our own fate too.

The other day I was driving along,  passing a few small shops clustered along a street I knew from my childhood. It was one of those streets that used to have a proper butchers, a greengrocers, a shop that sold model airplanes and tanks, a newsagents and an old fashioned hard wear shop where I remember collecting wood shavings for free for my hamster.

Today this same street looks unrecognisable, and yet all too familiar. It has a sort of stripped bare, grubby 'takeway' vibe now. The vibrancy I remember has gone, drained away over the years along with the independent shop keepers, replaced by a lone mini mart, a kebab shop and a betting shop.

Looking out my car window as I sat at the traffic lights I saw a little old lady, a remnant of my childhood. Someone who no doubt had lived her whole life around this street, as had my Nana and Grandad. She might have been my Nana once upon a time, today she was someone's Nana, maybe yours?! 

I'm sorry

I heard the mother of a two year old the other day, scolding her child and directing him insistently to say 'sorry' to another child.  The young mother was clearly embarrassed and uncomfortable and this translated to her child who promptly began to cry. Still she pressed for the apology, which was not forth coming in this instance,.her exasperation increased obviously. Obviously to me, and to her child. Perhaps she felt she had failed somehow? If only she realised her expectations were unrealistic, she could cut herself some much needed slack. Instead she offered the apology herself and left with her sobbing child.

I have seen this exchange so many times and it's always strikes me as a nonsense.

Why do people, parents, child care 'professionals', especially those in England it would seem,  make very young children say they're sorry? 

I'm questioning the practice of adults prompting and indeed often insisting that their very young children 'say they're sorry' for their 'anti social' behaviour. Children as young as two are expected to offer apologies to others, regardless of their capacity to understand their own feelings, let alone the feelings of another person when it would be kinder and more productive in the long term to focus on building emotional awareness within children.

A place to imagine youself and relax

We're all used to seeing the tranquil images generally associated with relaxation exercises and counsellors website pages....secluded seascapes, still lakes, pebbles, candles..... well this photo I took in Drymou Cyprus, is I think, one of the best pics I can imagine for a little quiet escapism or as a focus for relaxation visualization exercises.

It's taken on top of the mountain in Drymou, Paphos, Cyprus, looking out towards the Polis seashore at sunset. In the foreground are an almost impenetrable barrier of stately blue thistles which surround this remote little almond orchard.

These gnarly little trees stand alone, year in year out, untended and unaffected by the comings and goings of the rest of us.

I love the resilience of these little trees. They are tenacious and that's what I admire most about them.

With no help from anyone they do very well indeed; adapting and enduring, making the best of their meager resources and without fail celebrating life each year generously, beautifully and abundantly.

I hope you find this image one you can image yourself within. I get lost in it every time I look at it.

This is truly one of the most relaxing, inspiring, spiritually liberating places I have ever been. I would encourage you to visit at least once and experience it for yourself. It's no wonder it's known as the Isle of Love, it's so easy to fall in love with Cyprus!

come join us!

open box therapy facebook page .... come join us

a little Saturday morn self reflection.

I can't help but feel sometimes, as I peruse the internet, too much of our focus as 'mental health professionals', psychotherapists, counsellors, therapists....call us what you like, is aimed at connecting with and impressing other 'professionals' with our skills, knowledge and qualifications.

I call it mutual stroking and it has very little to do with reaching out to those who could really benefit from connecting to us.

Beautiful by design - That's you!

This is so true and many of us don't hear it said enough.
Isn't is the belief our little girls need instilled into their sense of self from all of us, and from our society?  That they may grow and make manifest in their lives their innate beauty, rather than the self loathing that cripples their potential to be the beautiful women they are born to be....'beautiful by design', inside and out!

A lovely reminder and wise words from Steve Maraboli.
Print it out, stick it on your mirror and repeat it to yourself next time your scrutinizing yourself to death.
Be gentle with your self talk and believe what he's telling you...it's the truth, and it's empowering, that's why some people would rather you not know it!

You will find this little change in your self perception and self belief, more than anything else you do for yourself, will enable you to make whatever changes you desire in your life with ease.

Have a great day today!

Bella's Big Picture: True appreciation expressed beautifully

Bella's Big Picture: True appreciation expressed beautifully

Just Breathe

Sounds simple...but really, breathing is so good for us, we should all be doing it consciously and getting the most out of it.

How to talk to your daughter about her body.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-koppelkam/body-image_b_3678534.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Home sweet home

                           
How would you define 'home'? How important is it to you? I think this is possibly much more of a complex 'idea' than one might at first think, at least it is for me.

Is home a definable place or is it more about the people within, or maybe both? I have an insatiable yearning for 'home'. It's a never ending, subconscious, overarching feeling of searching and longing that never leaves me; filling my dream time with fruitless 'house hunting' adventures and disappointment. It's an exhausting theme to explore so often but one I feel so deeply at my core that I really must find out what it is I'm searching for.

I don't have a 'home'. Until I find mine, I truly believe I will be on this quest to find my way home forever.

Do you have a home? Or do you have a house that you live in?

That's me....I live in a house but it's not my home. Home for me represents something much more significant than a roof over my head. To me a home is a safe place. It's a womb, a nest, a den, a cozy space and a place that fits a persons shape, inside and outside.

It's spiritual and physical and deeply personal. It's the resting place for my spirit. My sanctuary, my oasis. If it's anything less than these things, to me, it's not really a home, it's simply a place to live, not a place to BE. Maybe I'm an idealist? Maybe I haven't quite grown up?

I have been without a home for most of my life. The only real 'home' I've known was with my Grandma at her house near the sea in Essex, when I was a young girl. There I felt I could be me. I felt free. I felt loved and safe. I have never known such feelings since attached to a particular place that I've lived.  Perhaps this is all part of growing up? I don't know?!

If it is then it's a sad loss to endure. And if that's the case, why do I continually dream of houses? Why am I looking for my home if it's not out there? Is it a real place, or is it like Oz, only the stuff of dreams? Is it a psychological structure? An internal place?  I'm not sure.

I'd really like to know your thoughts on home and where it sits in your own personal hierarchy of needs? For me I believe it's the foundation stone, the anchor for my 'self'. Without it I believe I'm bound to my gypsy life, night and day.  Floating, roaming, wandering through my life, camping out in places for periods of time, never unpacking and no more possessions than I can carry. I'm always looking for a place to call home...am I stuck or am I free?

Domestic nightmare!

For the past couple of days this sickening image has haunted me like it has so many of you, I'm sure. This chilling snap shot has an instant reawakening effect. The sleeping dragon that lives way back in the closet for so many women, opens a terrifying eye and stares at us from our tv's, newspapers, magazines and iphones....domestic nightmares familiar to so many women, relived in every deplorable detail through Nigella's eyes.

It would seem even my own box has been sprung open with the force of this image. Thrown before me, "as if to say hah you thought you had escaped" my own personal collection of vile memories.

Father's Day reflections.

http://elle-gee-.artistwebsites.com/

Fathers Day........what does it this mean for you? A day to celebrate your Dad or a day to wish you had had one....a nice one maybe? or anyone at all?  Dad's are important, hard as that maybe to admit for some....good, bad or indifferent, they are a part of us, inseperable from us and our psychi's.  It's worth coming to terms with this reality or you may find you're carrying it around like a heavy box you may never open but have to find room for wherever you live.

For me this has always been a difficult day but it changed shape altogether for me last year when my Father died unexpectedly suddenly of cancer, without a word to my sister or myself.....no time to re-connect, no time to say goodbye, no time at all! No words, no note even, no last days, no new memories....just a hole, a nothingness.....what do I do with that? What do I fill it with? Should I even try?

How do we cope with death, with grief and with loss when there can be no reconciling....it's very hard as I'm sure any of you out there who've experienced similar feelings will know.

Inspiring reading.

http://www.newdawncollections.com/modern.htm

"The dialectic of transcendence is about drawing truth from trauma, realizing that the deep truths of the abyss are well worth having and that we can build on those foundations more surely than on any surface."  Emmy Van Deurzen.

http://www.emmyvandeurzen.com/?page_id=126

Emmy Van Deurzen is a long time favourite of mine, revisiting her work is like home-made lemonade on a sunny day...perfect revival for the weary thinker.

Reality check

ya gotta face it when you're actually trying to convince yourself your knickers must have shrunk...it's time to put down the minstrels!

— Bella Teeple (@BellaBellaLive) June 14, 2013

Seeing is believing....what do you see?

  

This sounds incredibly simplistic doesn't it and even a little patronising, especially if things in your life aren't going so well! What does it mean anyway? 

Well 'seeing' in this context is much more than observing, it really means believing, as the old saying goes.....

Our beliefs are the result of our interpretion of what we see,  and the meaning and value we attribute to it.  This is a really complex internal process happening of out of our awareness, with it's roots burried deep within our psychi, grounded in the fertile soil of our earliest socialisation.

This is stuff we learn from babyhood as we gaze at the faces around us and guage their reactions to what they 'see' happening inside and outside and around us all the time. They are the mirrors from whom we literaly learn the meaning of life.

Our beliefs are fundamental to who we 'know' ourselves to be, and therefore what we believe we may also become! This is why it's well worth taking a look at this area of ourselves, and uncovering and challenging any unhelpful beliefs that maybe limiting our potential sucess... for me this means my happiness.

How we translate our observations shapes our self perceptions and therefore our sense of self efficacy.  This ultimately influences our actions and therefore shapes the outcome and our experince........which.... reinforces our self beliefs and our beliefs about life and the world in general. It really is that simple! And so it goes, round and round...on and on....and nothing can change until our beliefs change!

Doing the necessary personal work to get to the bottom of what you 'see' and what you believe, and understanding how these values shape our entire sense of self, and our children's, takes a little focused application but not necessarily years in therapy. There's lots you can do to help figure yourself out and make positive life changing adjustments in your attitude and circumstances. It's not a quick fix route to sucess...well that depends how you translate sucess I suppose but it is definately a necessary psychological detox without which you might never realise your full personal potential!

Here's an article you may find helpful

http://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/core-beliefs-cbt.htm 

If you would like to dig a little deeper and spend some time talking through the feelings this piece of work brings up for you feel free to get in touch. Sometimes we just need someone to hear our thoughts before we can box them up...sometimes we hang onto them for years till we find the right person and the right opportunity. Drop me a line at    bellasbubble@gmail.com

Intelligence is Beautiful!

I love this! And it's true! What's more....intelligence is beautiful....it's sexy, it's sassy....it's challenging! But only for some people.....people with smaller capacities who feel threatened by others brilliance!

Don't let small minded, ignorant people be your reason for dimming your light! Shine bright and be a beacon for all those like you who maybe lost in the dark and for those who would rather live in your light and have it's reflection magnify their lives than be without it, living in the shadows.

So, whichever way you look at it, being BRIGHT is a good thing!! So shine your brightest and be a beautiful light in the world today.

It's a uniquely satisfying feeling knowing....

...my thoughts are circulating the wide world, and some where, someone is sharing them with me!

I'd love to know who you are! Come join me, lets connect!

Age Gracefully? What does this mean anyway?

As I tentitively, self consciously, rationally and dare I admit it excitedly.... pushed the button on my first ever order of (all natural!!) diet pills today, I knew I had crossed a threshold within myself and passed a point of no return! I had embarked discretely down the route of chemical warfare! Was this good for me, or was it bad? I'm not sure?!

Was I fighting a worthy battle, defending my right to be youthful and sexy for as long as I could afford to.... or capitulating? Was my purchase a moral self defeat? Did I succome to the media driven, relentless, inevitable tide of insecurity and self doubt that creeps up hard and fast once we cross the 40 something threshold? Has my resistance played right into their hands....they who drive social trends and cultural expectations?

Why am I even thinking about it this deeply? Is it guilt I feel for wasting money on my vanity? Maybe! Guilty for cheating, maybe!  Guilty for allowing myself to be seduced by the 'science' and the 90 day money back guarantee, maybe!

Really it's of no consequence anyway... it's as simple as this, I want to wear a sassy monokini this year, not a black 'mummy one-piece' with build in controls and matching cover-up. And I'm to darn lazy to excercise excessively when there's an easy alternative at my finger tips! So it's a morale defeat as well as a moral one? And you know what I don't really care!
What's happened to me?! Aging...that's what's happened! And it's not graceful or anything noble, it's just depressing!

How many of us put ourselves through these sorts of interogations? I doubt I'm the only one, we women are such harsh self critics, it's no wonder there's little grace to be found in the beauty market.

If you look at nothing else, take a few mins to watch this! It simply says it all!

This remarkably humble lady, Alice Herz-Sommer, has the answers to life's most challenging questions....what's more she is qualified beyond any doubt with the wisdom and of a survivor and the Grace of the Spirit. This isn't a religious issue for me, I'm not here to chat about that....for me it's a fundamental human truth that transcends all regious retoric and hits home to the Spirit within us all.

Do take a few minutes to let this message penetrate deep within you. I belive it has the power to free your spirit from the trivial cares and worries that afflict so many of us today. I believe we can all find a peaceful respite in the simplicity of Alice's wise words.

Another holocaust survivor who has inspired me with similar wisdom is Viktor Frankl. You might like to check out his work. http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/viktor-frankl/

I hope you find this as inspiring as me. I hope it helps you in some way to find happiness in your day today. 

Let it all go...and dance!

                                               https://www.facebook.com/WholarianVision

I loved this pic the second I saw it....reminds me of me and the intense pleasure I feel dancing. I just love music, all sorts of music...and I LOVE to dance, wild an free! I believe it's in my DNA, in my soul. How about you? When was the last time you threw back your head, spread your arms and let the rhythm take you back to your roots?! Try it, it's totally invigorating and rejuvenating...has all sorts of wonderful pay offs! Enjoy!

"Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances."

~ Maya Angelou

There's tons written about the benefits of dance for the Mind, Body and Spirit.

While focus of these articles is mostly around physical fitness and mental acuity, even sociability.....there are wonderful side effects of dance that aren't so often written about that I think we should include here - Make no mistake about it dancing is sexy, it's sensual, it's errotic...yes even ballroom! It's intimate and it's connected.....all this translates into great foreplay for couples looking to connect on a whole other level. 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Spiritual-Awakenings-%E0%A5%90/105433989565465

Circle of Moms

http://www.circleofmoms.com

Anyone belong to this group? I just joined : ) 

5 reasons to love advocados

  http://www.besthealthmag.ca/eat-well/healthy-eating/5-reasons-to-eat-more-avocados

Good for you in just about everyway I can think of! Besides being super healthy they're a feel good food fave of mine! Luckily I can eat all I like in Cyprus....judging from this article, they're a super good for you and baby food....if we ate more advocados, lots of bananas and loved each other often I have no doubt we'd all live to be 120 at least!

Sexy Stress Relieving Tips!

                            Bananas and kisses for Breakfast...feel good therapy at it's very best!
                                                   Have a great weekend everyone!

                     http://www.realbeauty.com/health/wellness/sex-stress-relief#slide-1

Bananas are super good for you!

http://www.thequotedposts.com/after-reading-this-youll-never-look-at-a-banana-in-the-same-way-again/

Can't sleep?

 

http://stepzzi.deviantart.com/art/I-cant-Sleep-193089886

This is a recurring curse for me.....maybe you too?  My mind just won't switch off sometimes making a restful nights sleep an illusive dream itself. 

I can't understate the importance of sleep to our wellbeing. Sleep deprivation is a killer - on energy levels, mood, academic performance and libido! Actually all our relationships suffer if we're tired! 

Of course there are lots of remedies for this problem, sleeping tablets, herbal remedies, warm milk, soft music, sex......you name it I've tried them all except prescription sleeping pills, which I couldn't take once I'd read the warnings sheet which is typical of me! My problem's anxiety and overly active imagination, so give me a list of grusome possibilities and I'm guaranteed no rest!

We can literally feel like a different person after a good nights rest. It's the easiest thing in the world to take for granted till you experince insomnia.  There is a role therapy can play in helping to relax us and contain our overactive thinking. 

Here's what I do...

Losing ourselves in motherhood.

This is an enormous topic...one I understand all to well having had four kids myself and now I'm a Nanny and the cycle begins again.......omg...it's so easy to lose your mind in this role!
I'll come back to this in a bit......I thought I'd post it, I'm sure plenty of you will laugh and appreciate the truth of this one!  

Mind, Body & Spirit - the human trinity

How true is this! The quest to change ourselves, to progress towards enlightenment whether spiritual or intellectual or both..... all starts with how we THINK. How we think effects how we SEE,  even what we see..... and ultimately how we REGARD both OURSELVES and OTHERS.

If you can think of this in terms of your relationships then it becomes really relevant to all of us. The quality of our relationships directly affects how we perceive ourselves, whether we feel valued and loved, whether we're resilient emotionally and have a healthy self esteem. If we can adjust our thinking to enable us to access good relationships, with people can appreciate us it's gotta be worth looking at this side of ourselves.

For me any change within ourselves involves our MIND, BODY & SPIRIT -  the human trinity.

To affect the most powerful, meaningful progress toward your goals it is fundamental to engage all three elements of yourself in the task. You cannot truly move freely in any direction without an acceptance of your whole self.

This is what therapy offers us all, the opportunity to discover and unite our whole selves and ultimately become a closer representation of our potential - we individuate and self actualise.

If you're not sure what this all means, no worries, I'm going to be putting together pages covering these ideas, with tips for working with them that you can use at home.

Embrace your shadow

            "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." 
                                                                                                                                         Carl Jung

You may not have heard of Debbie Ford, I just learned she died in February this year...that's so sad she was only 55. Anyhow she wrote a book called 'Dark Side of the Light Chasers' , a book about learning to know and accept our dark side - our shadow. 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dark-Side-Light-Chasers-Reclaiming/dp/0340819057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369839747&sr=8-1&keywords=dark+side+of+the+light+chasers

I loved this book, found it intriguing and illuminating. I am a fan of Jungian psychology as you may have guessed...for me it helps me to 'see' things much more clearly...so I can understand and apply these principals in my own life, in my own language. After all, understanding should be universally accessible, and intelligible, not purly the domain of academics....there are many ways to know something!

Those things we most dislike, condemn and judge in others are invariable aspects of ourselves that we have difficulty accepting. We all have a dark side, a shadow self....it's natural and necessary, just as we have light we have shadow....we are yin and yang. 

"To confront a person with their own shadow is to show them their own light" 

                                                                                                                              Carl Jung

Love your child.

I love this theme....the inner child....makes me smile just thinking about what a fantastic difference this awareness can make in your own life, I really hope I can interest you to invest in some personal work on this topic once we've spoken here. Really there's no greater positive, creative resource that you have within you, right now, than your own 'child' self!

Our inner child self, is that part of us that's fun, energetic, exciting, inquiring, innocent, uninhibited, naive, boundlessly joyful, creative, enchanting, spiritual, loving, accepting, generous, open minded, ageless! These are just some of the attributes I see in my own child self, you have them too......mine can also be stubborn, irrational, demanding, selfish, self absorbed and thoroughly trying for somebody not in love with me!

The key is to be loved and accepted for all of ourselves, for who we really are and not to have bits of us that we must keep hidden because they are unacceptable to someone else. That would be conditional love and what we should all be striving for in our relationships in unconditional love....not necessarily unconditional 'liking' or unconditional accepting of everything and anything, that's not realistic......ahh it's all so complicated isn't it and this was intended to be a simple chat .....I've gotten all adult on myself!!

To get back to my point, I'll just say a bit about TA because I wanted to introduce this to you, I think you may find it helpful if you're curious to gain more control in your communications with others. I know for me it was like a light bulb coming on! And I could at last literally see what was going on in me with certain people I connected to. And it always follows, before you can change something you got to understand what's happening....

What's your passion?

What are you passionate about? Lots of things? Nothing? Can't rise to feeling passionate about anything at the moment?

If the last one is you sweetie, talk to someone....do something about it!

Passion really is fuel for our spirit, it lights that fire within our breast that makes us feel like smiling and being active in our lives, no matter what the weather!

It's love, it's conviction, it's being connected to living beings.....it's what we all crave to feel whole and vital and the good news is.....it comes in all shapes and sizes! There's something or someone out there that's just the right fit for you....something that when you connect to it, or them, is going to set your spirit spinning with joy and purpose. It's your mission in life to find what that is, what fits you, and to grab it with both hands, kiss it full on the lips, with passion and most of all celebrate it! Life can be oh so short...none of us should waste a single day.

Life is for living and really living is about being passionate......kiss someone you love today, put your heart and soul into that one kiss and see what a difference it makes! And if you can't be there to kiss your chosen person, send them you love...make it sing with passion!! What have you got to lose?!

Write that song you've been working on for so so long....paint your dream...you see it so do it! Whatever it is that you love, that calls to you, find a way to embrace your passion today....your spirit will thank you!

Have a great and surprising day!
Bella 

The naked truth!

'Shower of Nectar' by Fassouli - Love love love it!

                                                http://www.rassouli.com/romantic2.htmI love the heavenly light in this image..simple and yet so powerful!   Do check out Rassouli's other images on his web site...he's beautiful story teller.  

A sensual pick me up - enjoy!

Let the music inspire you....love this, erotic, sensual vid...there's a time and a place for everything! Music's my favourite sort of therapy!

A perfect description of suffering.

" Suffering, as the aftermath of an unwelcome moral shock, aspires to change form: we hope to dispel it by making plans by seeking information; we want it to pass through its countless metamorphoses, for this requires less courage than keeping the suffering raw; we lie with our suffering as in a bed too narrow, too hard, and to cold."   Marcel Proust - The fugative. 

I must own,  I'm slowly slowly falling in love with Proust, my bedtime reading atm.

How well he says it! And so to therapy we go..... 'therapy' is therefore a means to assist one to change the form of ones suffering into something more bearable.

We all need a hand to hold sometimes

long distance lovin

 

My thoughts on Long distance long distance romance...

Long distance relationships, in my experience, (and I do have a lot of experience at this) are hard hard hard!! Hard on your budget, hard on your resources, and mostly hard on ur heart.............but they are doable and can be wonderful.....just not 24/7 kinda wonderful. There are upsides and downsides to this sort of arrangement. Depending on you and what works for you, a long distance relationship maybe worth considering, or it maybe something you should avoid before you fall head over heels in Love.

I guess the biggest issue in a long distance relationship is fidelity. You both need to have an understanding of what this will involve and be realistic about it. Can you both manage solo inbetween reunions or are you likely to need companionship? It's easy to say you'll cope when you're together, but if it's months inbetween physical connections it can be very hard to maintain for some people and trust is the key to any good relationship.....but espeically a long distance one.  Without trust, whatever the agreement there is bound to be an unbearable level of anxiety and this is not good for anyone's health, emotional or physical. I say whatever the arrangement excepting that everyone's different and some peoples terms of agreement maybe more permissable than others.

Communication is central to this relationship....it IS the relationship, for a good part of the time, whether on skype, txt, or phone......how you communicate, what you communicate and how effectively your communication meets each others needs will determine the sucess of your relationship. Keeping contact frequent and yet fresh is a challage so get creative. Just like in any relaitonship but x 10 at least. If you would dress up for your partner when your together you should try to do the same for your skype dates. Keepin it fresh and sassy keeps it alive!

My legacy......http://www.blackwolfpublications.com/   http://blackwolfpublications.blogspot.co.uk/

                                                                 to be continued....

some reasons to love and appreciate yourself.

                                http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Reasons-to-Love-and-Appreciate-Yourself/1

Bella's Big Picture: The Black Wolf Legacy

Bella's Big Picture: The Black Wolf Legacy: One day I was talking to my Grandmother about me, like we did on many ocassions. She was the only one I could talk to about me who would ...

Appreciate yourself! Who me?

Appreicate  - '  to recognise the full worth of',  'to be grateful for'... yes, this is a hard one to own isn't it? Be honest .... we're all well used to appreciating others for all sorts of things....their beauty, their talents, skills, intelligence, wealth, career, sucess, families...their hair even....handbags, shoes, cars, houses, furniture,...generally everything and anything about their lives we might appreciate and believe we recognise the full worth of....but not ourselves eh!

How many of you believe you recognise your own full worth? What did you feel grateful for today?.....I know it's not easy but it's so so important to get this one in perspective. The root to so much discontent, anxiety and general unhappiness is because of our unwillingness or inability to appreciate ourselves and our own lives.

We spend so much time and energy focused on what we feel bad about within ourselves, what we dislike about ourselves, what we believe others dislike in us....that we are our own worst friend.
What sort of a message do you think it gives our children and those around us if we don't even know our own worth and treat ourselves with due respect and care? My guess is it gives others permission to mistreat us, to under value us and to project onto us a lot of ugly stuff that isn't ours to own.

It also teaches those who are looking to us for leadership, that maybe they shouldn't appreciate themselves either.....that it's ok to sell ourselves cheaply.....I think we all know where that leads and it's not good.

No, we must try to appreciate ourselves, know our full worth and be grateful for who we are, and for the gift of life that we have. Help others by reminding them of their worth too! Especially our children. It's a gift that keeps giving, generation after generation. Knowing we have worth is essential to our self esteem....we all need to know we're loved and valuable and we need others to tell us!

Be humble yes, and remember there is always someone worse off than us..... but we don't do anyone any favours by bringing ourselves down to level out the competition just because it's more comfortable for them that way.

No! I say shine bright as you can.....be proud of yourself, accept your vulnerable, falible humanity and be grateful for each new oppportunity to make a new start. Love the life you have.....and if you don't, change it!

Here's a quote from Marianne Williamson that inspired me many years ago. I don't believe I have had my brightest hour yet....but we are all a work in progress!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Some more wise words you may find helpful.....

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Reasons-to-Love-and-Appreciate-Yourself/1

How to talk to your daughter about her body - article

The same can be said of Life!

The same can be said of life! Some people are content with a brochure others create an epic....what's yours going to be?