Motherhood, the journey to Nannydom

I just posted this on my daughter's facebook wall with the comment ' it's a tough job, good thing it's you doing it!'  I re-read it and laughed realising it could sound like I'm saying I wouldn't want the job! It was intended as an affirmation that what she is, who she is good, certainly 'good enough' and I'm so proud of her.

I know, having raised four children, pretty much single handedly, it's a tough job! The most demanding, thankless, most rewarding, enjoyable job of a life-time. It's the one job I remember reading recently, that we will get, (accept, be given, fall into, it doesn't matter) regardless of our lack of prior experience, qualifications, or education. And yet we willingly enter motherhood anyway, most of us without any real notion at all of what it's going to take from us. I did write 'ask' of us, but realised there is no asking, because by this point we really don't have a choice, do we ladies?!  We also don't realise we won't have any real appreciation of the pay-off until we're half a lifetime down the road looking back.

Yes, I do believe mother nature happily kicks our romantic backsides through that door with a knowing smile on her face! She knows full well we can have no idea what we're really in for, so she starts us off as she means to carry on, with a merciless intro to motherhood - childbirth!

Eating disorder or personal choice?

http://www.afterhourscreative.co.uk/blog-creative-catalyst-design-for-change.asp

The above artists words...

"I chose to highlight anorexia, a misunderstood psychological disorder that is on the increase due to constant pressure from the media. Many people offer their 'expert' advice and simply tell sufferers to eat more. They don't understand the complexity of the disorder. It's a battle between mind and body that produces devastating consequences. If an anorexic is able to control their food intake and achieve a victory for their mind, they still lose due to the punishment inflicted on their body. If they eat more to reduce the effects on their body their mind is punished and they feel depressed and isolated. Either way they can't win. I wanted my design to reflect this constant battle as well as showing how fragile sufferers can be both mentally and physically." Peter Saunders, artist and writer.

'As with any kind of serious illness—and anorexia nervosa is a very serious illness, with the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disease—it’s critical that you find out as much as you can about the illness, available treatments, and outcomes'  
http://www.maudsleyparents.org/faqs.html

Can we help without judging? Dilemma - to respect a young persons right to choose vs protecting them from an insidious disease that demands absolute control at the expense of their life.

• What don't you know about eating disorders?  http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_children_young_people/whats_worrying_you/anorexia?

• Would you recognise the signs of an eating disorder in your own child ?

• What would you do about it?

• How do you help your young person when they don't regard themselves as ill, and don't want help?

• How do you manage your own fears and anxiety and frustration about your youngsters illness.

• You have an overwhelming need to get them 'help', but they won't take the help and advice that you give?

 Every natural instinct you have as a loving parent is held hostage by this disease!

•  is there anything you can and the family can do to help get your child past anorexia?

These are some desperately serious questions that I will be seeking input and advice on as I explore this topic in more depth. I would value your thoughts and feedback. Bella

18 things highly creative people do differently

An affirming and encouraging read...

18 things highly creative people do differently




Another great article for us folks who struggle to fit in the box....celebrate your creativity, share yourself with the world! Write a blog, there's an idea!!

Why leaving your mobile at home could be the best thing you do for your child today.

The Walk To School
http://www.beyourowncounsellorandcoach.com/author/admin/

A thoughtful and insightful reminder that all the moments we share with children are precious opportunities to create memories and build key relationship skills. Skills which prepare our children to be socially and emotionally intelligent individuals.

My Thoughts.....

We all want our children to be socially skilled, kind, thoughtful and sensitive individuals don't we? Well we are the best model they have for developing these attributes because of the value our children place on us and their relationship with us, and our capacity to offer consistent, frequent input and feedback.  I'm not sure we can do a great job at it if we're on our mobiles every second we have 'free'.

We don't have to be brilliant parents, 100% of the time, just 'good enough', that will do the job nicely! And it is a job....the most important job of all! And not a job solely reserved for parents, we all have a responsibility and a duty of care, particularly teachers who second to parents have the most profound influence on our children's self esteem... an influence that can shape a lifetime!

The good enough mother explained

How it works -  Children form an opinion about their own  personal value, based on how they feel when they connect with us. Each and every time these little interactions occur, a child unconsciously collects feedback from their senses - their 'feelings'. Gradually these feelings add up,  translating into thoughts and beliefs which ultimately become the foundation for who children believe they are and how they feel about themselves and their place in the world.

This sense of who children are and their place or ranking in the world, in our home world, as well as the wider world around them, serves as their personal map of directions for life... a script even.....directions that they will follow and use to navigate their own relationships throughout childhood into adult hood and as parents themselves.

Life 'script' explained

Just 10 mins spent happily connected to you before school, I believe probably does more to arm your child to face the anxieties of growing up than any anti bullying policy a school may contrive.
It's worth a thought next time....

It's so good for you!

This is so true! Do something that makes you smile today and be consciously aware of your pleasure. Let it warm you like the sunshine on your face. It's so so good for you! Grab every chance you can to feel happiness! Have a wonderful day.

I took some of my own advice... packed up my old bread, took myself out for a walk to the duck pond and fed the ducks. Was lovely. It's surprising how much of your own neighbourhood you notice on foot that you never see from your car! 

What's in a Job?

I've been thinking just how significant our choice of job is and how incredibly life impacting it is. Seriously, we spend more of our waking hours at jobs than anything else! 54% apparently and that's not including travelling to and from work.

This accounts for half our lives and yet how many of us wake up each Monday unconsciously writing off the next 5 or 6 days as a loss almost; living for the next weekend and the few days of holiday we have to look forward to. Surely this isn't how it should be?

Just because they're dead doesn't always mean they're gone -

Just because they're dead doesn't always mean they're gone....

Thoughts about the death of an abuser....can they ever really be gone?

I don't think so... their legacy is immortal and enduring, but not necessarily invincible.

 Seek help if you're struggling with this issue, you're not alone. 

An outspoken and passionate thought for the Day - vicarious sadism and social media.

Recently my face book wall has become saturated with images of men, women and even children trophy killers, all grinning with sadistic satisfaction over the corpses of creatures they have mindlessly murdered. What is this trend?? And so many women too? What is happening to people that they see fit to publicise such shameful acts, normalising the grotesque and sadistic instincts of the few before the masses as though it's just another lifestyle choice anyone can indulge in with impunity. Vicarious sadism, the dark side of social media's gift to humanity!

I believe to derive pleasure, whatever the reason, from mindlessly killing animals is the hallmark of a depraved human being and should not be sanctioned, or glorified in anyway what so ever. The culprits should derive no satisfaction from any form of public approbation. Let them find other ways to bolster their degenerate egos, spare the innocents. 

How I feel about the animal victims is one thing and that's easier to understand and take a stand about...but what's really bothering me about this issue are the subliminal messages, the trends, the apparent unnatural realities these images inflict on our psychi's.

I wonder is this really a new trend at all, or is it like so many other disgusting elements of the human condition, something that has always been there but never before been lead by the hand quite so shamelessly into the sunshine, by so many willing 'friends'.

Are we all participating in the grooming of humanity to accept and participate in illicit acts of barbarism against ourselves?